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Ram (name changed) is a high performing leader working in a centralized strategic business unit of the organization. He is an alpha leader with authoritarian style, committed to his job, loyal to the organization and a very good performer. He demanded high quality work from his team and celebrated successes with his team often, when they achieved good results. But, his spurts of anger tirade and berating team members during meetings made his team members eventually quit the job. Attrition became a constant problem. News spread in the industry of his bad temper and recruiting replacements became difficult for HR team. Department was in jeopardy

Leaders such as Ram are high potentials, performance driven, good assets for the company but, they struggle with Managing Self making them a difficult child for the organization.

Ram was part of the leadership program of which Coaching was an incorporated module for leader development. Ram took the opportunity to get coached on the dilemma he was going through. While I listened keenly, he briefed me all about his good intentions for the team and his constant struggle in overcoming his anguish. I took him into confidence and we were on the coaching journey together.

My coaching included creating awareness, identifying patterns, powerful questioning, creating structures, self accountability, relationship management and continuous learning with a growth mindset. Steps that I took were

-I asked him few questions that would make him delve inside like: How do you perceive yourself as a leader? ; How do you think others perceive you as a leader? ; What are similar issues that lurk in other areas of your life?

Once he started to answer these questions, clarity unfolded and he was able to identify the triggers that made him to react with anger. Apparently there was stress on the home front where his only child was undergoing severe health issues. On health front he was diagnosed with pre diabetes. At office there were challenges to maximize profitability with minimum cost claiming high expectations from the department. This awareness brought into light what he is dealing with and what he is messing up

-We discussed physical and emotional that happen within him as anger builds in, like high breathing, palms sweating, reddening of the face, blood pressure pulsating etc. This awareness brought consciousness of what is happening physiologically.   

– Then we co-created structure around what mental measures he will adopt and practice to calm him down. He rehearsed to take out personal time to slow down the thoughts when he experienced the triggers. He practiced relaxing techniques and physical exercise to take care of his building health problem.

-We explored future challenges that may come up. He made a new habit to examine the sources of anger, so that he finds solutions to self control in future and respond to it in a healthy manner

   All it needed for Ram was a little courage to accept the derailment; open up himself to make changes, take responsibility of his actions. The ‘aha’ moment that comes after coaching is what makes the entire process rewarding to me. 

Pro tip: Practice to Clock 5 seconds, before we react or make a quick decision. You can manage stress, anger, unwanted reactions, stop procrastination etc. For example you are sitting and binge watching episodes while some important task has to be done. In your mind, just Clock 5 seconds to create options. You would have made a decision to get up and complete the task or continue to binge watch in those 5 seconds.